I miss being in a relationship. That “kiss me, numb my body feeling” or the “sorry this looks creepy but you are just so beautiful I can’t stop staring at you” moments. It’s been a long time since I called someone mine. Some days I don’t feel like I deserve to be in a relationship and that it’s super rare when a stranger meets me they can’t stop looking in my direction. I’m not close to a neck breaker, nor do I capture a lot of girls attention. I have a mindset that giving my all might not be the best idea but I still do it anyways and I will go out of my way to do something to make her happy. I hate being single. Don’t get me wrong, I do love myself. I just want to share my love with someone else. Someone who doesn’t mind that I ramble on when I’m shy, that I hold on too long when we hug or that when we kiss that moment sticks in my head so much that it’s all I think about till the next time I see her and try to make the next one much better. I miss holding hands in public because we would never feel lost. It’s a reminder that we found someone special. The last person I got involved with told me that I didn’t do anything wrong, it was just the timing. I don’t believe her on the first part. I guess it doesn’t help that I love F.R.I.E.N.D.S or HIMYM. It’s not giving me false hope, just telling me that I have to be patient. It took Ross 10 seasons (bout 8 years) to end up with Rachel and it took Ted 9 seasons (till he was 33) to almost finally meet his wife. I’m only 22, still fairly young to be thinking like this. I guess I’m tired of feeling lonely when I’m around people. Half defeated from a broken heart knowing that love is still worth fighting for. End of random rant.
And it bothers the crap out of me. I been more angry and jealous recently and if you know me this doesn’t happen to often. I hate it but I create some good material when I’m in this state. I guess it’s all about perspective. Thanks for the motivation.
A stranger invaded my dreams last night but I was told that brains are not capable of creating faces, subconciously we screenshot reality with every blink. And to think that whoever this person is crossed path with us. At the coffe shop, in class, or lost in a crowd of a thousand we walk the same line at a point in time. Not realizing that most blessings are held hostage by taking the beauty in things for granted. There are 6 billion people in the world and everyday we are introduced to hundreds of walking broken thoughts. With a fractured mindset, our eyes are afraid to make contact maybe courage needs glasses. If we take a moment to unglue our chin from our collarbone, there is a great possibility we will hear chance in a “Hello”, by now we should know that it doesn’t hurt to smile. I may not see you again but many people have won the lottery multiple times, proving that impossible is just a bully telling you that you can’t and won’t. The only way to defeat it is to punch it with a fist full of try. We have crossed paths once, who is to say it won’t happen again? A stranger invaded my dreams last night. I was told that brains are not capable of creating faces so hello familiar intruder. It’s nice seeing you again. I’ve been expecting you.
I’ve been told that when you are in love, one of the first steps is to fall. Making sure it hurts a little less I came to the conclusion that I should create a safety kit. What does it consist of?
A helmet: Proven to protect you from contact with whats outside but in this case it’s the opposite. The helmet is to secure your thoughts making sure that if you were involved in an accident your mind won’t self destruct what you once felt.
Duct tape: used to fix a lot of stuff depending on how or where you grew up. In this circumstance, use this to tape your mouth shut from saying something dumb or embarrassing. My personal experiences shown me that some girls actually like it when I fumble my words. There’s no Frank Gore to erase what I said so this one is optional. It is also good for post breakups just in case you have to repair a heart that is too familiar with being broke.
Gum: while it creates fresh breath it also prepares you to not chew your significant others head off. No denying that lying often makes unexpected visits in relationships, this is a small test to see how long you are willing to stick with someone when the flavor is running low.
Super glue: God will provide you with natural and invisible adhesive in the honeymoon phase. Your lips will often find itself wanting to be together, your hands will intertwine to where sweaty palms don’t bother you and you can’t let go, maybe it’s because you don’t want to. You won’t feel like Spiderman but when your eyes are stuck to theirs you won’t complain. In fact you will embrace it.
USB: stick all the memories here and write how they made you feel with each picture or song you store. One of these days in the upcoming future you won’t feel it anymore and this is where you go to remind yourself why it was worth it in the beginning, why you made an effort and is it worth it to keep making them.
A journal: even if you have your memories on the USB there should always be a hand written copy. This is where you will write where your first date was, what are they allergic to, favorite kind of music and color, who broke their heart, your insecurities, basically anything that you can and will learn from.
Last but not least, a blindfold: Apparently love is blind but is it a negative thing? This blindfold will teach you that there will be things you cannot see like lies and pain but this last item will teach you how to trust trust. Know that if you’re falling they will not only be there for you, they will be falling with you. Laugh about it while getting up and just know that if they are the one be prepared to buy some band aids, elbow and knee pads because this won’t be the last time you will be falling for them.
Do not let your past experiences scare you into something that could be beautiful. If we have learned anything it’s that we are a lot stronger than we think of ourselves. most days you will feel like a penny in a room full of dimes, but if someone wanted the right change they would need you. I guess that’s why people say it’s the one.
She always reached for the check. No matter where we went she never failed to do so. Wanting to state the fact that she got her own, I admired her for her mindset. She wears a smile daily like the watch on her left wrist and every time I made her laugh I lost track of it. Days I spent with her felt like short and nights away from her felt like a lifetime. Cliches of me to say but She’s honestly one of a kind. I discovered that when we were in her car listening to her iPod. A schizophrenic bartender for a playlist who mixed a little bit of Miguel, Blake Shelton, a lot of Taylor Swift, Frank Ocean and sleeping with sirens, I could understand why she likes to get drunk. She probably likes to use coasters because she doesn’t like people leaving marks on her table of contents without her permission. It’s hard to find someone who loves to read and be read to so I’ll start the rest of my poem like this.
Chapter 1. The first time I met her I wanted to call all of the girls I ever liked and thank them for not giving me the time of day. I would be lying to you if I said I remembered what she was wearing what I do remember is that she laughed at one of my lame joke that i used to break the ice. If I remember correctly it was “Hi. My name is Hoang, I’m tall for an asian and I love long walks to the fridge.” Those words build a bridge that crossed us over from strangers to wanting to get to know each other. Fast forward 25 days and here’s
Chapter 2. Our first date. Meant to be something sweet and simple turned into an episode of Rachel rays somehow we ended up in my kitchen with a giant cookie and a pint of Ice cream. Half way to reaching diabetes my heart was racing, not from the sugar overload but for the fact that for the first time in a long time someone showed interest in me. She ended up meeting most of my family and friends in a span of 5 hours. It wasn’t intended but it made this a memorable first date. While watching Wreck it Ralph she identified that she is does not like thunder and while on the couch I held her close to me whispering everything was gonna be fine. But not holding her close enough to where she could feel my heart beat letting her know that I’m not a big fan of thunder as well. As the movie credit appeared and time got tired of being the 3rd wheel it was time to call it a night. While walking her outside I mustered all the courage that I was building up and asked her for a kiss. Who does that? Apparently this four-eyes. Our lips hugged underneath the sprinkling skies and I promise that nothing could of rained on that moment. As I watched her drove off I couldn’t help but smile replaying in my head the melody repeated “It’s been a while”
That’s where I’ll stop with the chapters. This is where the story skydives from the climax since all good things must come back to reality. She runs away when she feels vulnerable, I live in it. She was also damaged, no x-rays could detect that her heart has been fractured by this thing called love. Her medication required time to heal, not another person who was trying to fix it for her. I have been in search for the main character staring in “Here’s the story of how I met your mother, we didn’t start off as friends.” She was a combination of Rachel green and Robin Scherbatsky and I was somewhere in the middle of Ted Mosby and Ross Geller. Even tho we didn’t end up together I appreciate her for her honesty when she said “We won’t work out.” Making me want to hit the gym just to prove her wrong but it won’t change anything. Isn’t that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck, fantastic? Having words that injure you more than sticks and stones? Her medication to recover shall be prescribed to me as well. Note to her ex boyfriend: I never liked you, and you probably never liked me. I hope you don’t make the same mistake twice. She’s giving you a gift that I wish I was blessed enough with receiving, Do not mess up your resurrection. You’re running out of chances. To her next boyfriend: (who I pray to God isn’t her ex) take lots of pictures and tell her she’s beautiful. She’ll try and hide from the camera and disagree with your compliment but sooner or later she’ll be comfortable to let your smile be contagious and she’ll start believing she’s gorgeous. Show her you are worth keeping her up early in the morning with simple conversations even tho you both have to be awake in a couple of hours and randomly buy her flowers and remember that she if she were to keep one she hangs them upside down on her walls so the pedals don’t fall off unevenly. She will pirouette your worst days into beautiful ones, she pours her milk first before her cereal. I don’t know why but she tells me she has a theory, apparently it tastes a little better. I gotta admit it’s truly. That’s what I love about her.
She’s a mystery novel that I wanted to get lost in and as of now our story isn’t Disney produced. No happily ever after. We once had a conversation about how we have been emotionally bankrupt by investing our time into someone, how trusting’s difficultly is set to very hard because we are tired of people playing games with us. We’re afraid of the past reoccurring leaving us in a rainstorm of our own teardrops. I think about her non stop and it’s killing me any thing but softly. She always reached for the check. With the total coming out to someone being broken, I always end up paying.
New video say whaaaaa? Thought I’d make this one different by not dancing it and having some of my dope students showcase my creation. One of many videos I plan on making more videos in the near future.